You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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