So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
