I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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