ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
