My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
