I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
