Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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