I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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