I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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