honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
