Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
