It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
