lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Randomize
