everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
