She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You are a booty call, not a friend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
