i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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