but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
