I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
