shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
