i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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