is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When are your genitals available?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
