also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
