you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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