you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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