i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
