So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
