i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Green mimosas i think yes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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