How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
