you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You took a bar mat shot.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
