If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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