I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
