We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
