weddingsv make me drug and hornr
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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