Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
