fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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