Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
