I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
