I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
