I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
