do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
