walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
