We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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