Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
