even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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