this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My life is pants optional.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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