nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
honey bunches of taint.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
