my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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