he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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