4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
