My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
