Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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