I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
