Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
