last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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