the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
even my farts smell like vagina
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
