She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
