i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize