You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
