It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
