i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
