My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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