Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
