Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
