I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
