if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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