I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
