I think my vagina is haunted
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
