YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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