mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
